


Fish Emoji Wolf Emoji Santa Emoji

by chaichan



Category: Touhou Project
Genre: Christmas, Christmas adventure, F/F, Kutaka Fried Cauliflower
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-08
Updated: 2021-01-08
Packaged: 2021-03-11 23:09:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,037
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28625472
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chaichan/pseuds/chaichan
Summary: Wakasagihime and Kagerou don't know what the hell Christmas is. They go on an adventure to find out, and are gay all the way along the way.GYN Secret Santa 2020
Relationships: Imaizumi Kagerou/Wakasagihime, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 12





	Fish Emoji Wolf Emoji Santa Emoji

Sekibanki sat on a dead trunk of a tree, fashioned into a makeshift chair. A meeting chair. For the meeting she was supposed to be having, in the middle of this forest's grove. 

Instead, the wind howled and the snow hailed. And she was getting kind of fucking cold, just sitting there and doing nothing. Now, normally, she'd be talking, and that'd be fine, but…

"Ahh, you're so so warm," purred Wakasagihime into her large, warm werewolf girlfriend. "Like a big gay blanket…"

In response, Kagerou wrapped her arms around the mermaid even closer, and kissed the top of her head. "I'm  _ your  _ big gay blanket, Hime…"

"Oh, Kage… I love you so mu — "

"Alright. I'm getting myself a room. You two go be valid without me around, I've got Christmas to plan," interrupted the rokurokubi of questionable species, jolting up right from her seat.

"Oh! Oh, sorry, we were being too much again, right?" flustered out Waka, noticing what she was doing right in front of her friend.

In response, Banki shook her head with a light smile. "It's fine, it's fine! I mostly just didn't understand it for a long time. But now I've got Kogasa, and I get it. So don't worry. But I do have to go, speaking of 'Gasa. I've gotta get our Christmas date dinner ready and all that."

The mermaid princess relaxed back into her soft girlfriend. Soft… Kagerou spoke up. "Wait, what do you mean?"

"Oh, I'm just baking a cake… a Yule log, Orleans, that doll, she taught me the recipe. I heard it's quite good." She looked proud enough of herself that her head started slightly floating. "She loves chocolate, so I'm making it chocolate. Even made the chocolate myself."

"Yule — No, Banki, what the heck is a Christmas?" Kagerou tilted her head in confusion like a lost puppy.

In response, the, uh, dullahan's head stopped floating. Froze in place, even. "The fuck do you mean you don't know what a Christmas is?"

"I mean I've never heard of it! Hime, have you heard of it?" 

Waka shook her head in confusion and shrugged. "I have no idea. Is that like, some holiday?"

Banki spun around on the spot three times, keeping her head in place. "What! How do you not know about Christmas, it's! It's the most important thing in December! I'm going to — Aaaagh, no, I can't, I really have to go bake that cake… You two! Go fucking learn about Christmas, ask Sanae or something! This is important!" She started walking away, but after a moment turned back around. "Important! Infinitely important!"

And with that, she was off, leaving two rather confused friends behind.

Their confusion soon disappeared, though, together with the morning snow. And they looked at each other with DETERMINATION filling their hearts.

* * *

Youkai Mountain during this time of year really does look quite pretty, decided Wakasagihime, while being safely carried in the arms of her wolf knight in shining armor. Her knight, on the other hand, was very carefully trying not to sound utterly exhausted from having carried her mermaid princess up like a kilometer of a mountain.

But it really was pretty, exertion-induced exhaustion aside. The snow shimmered brightly on the still branches of the trees, the river flowed just a bit slower than usual, with ice sheets covering it and reflecting the sun's rays in the most aesthetically pleasing ways. It was silent, too, save for the occasional 'WOOSH' of a tengu flying by. One could really feel the winter spirit here. Puts you right in a contemplative mood.

"Hey, sweetie? What do you think 'Christmas' is going to turn out to be?" asked Waka, gazing at the snow petals slowly falling from the sky.

"Uh." Kagerou tried replying, but she had to find a good way of talking without sounding exhausted first. "I think. It might be… a holiday of sorts. Definitely. Probably romantic. Like World Fish Day."

The fish in question responded by giggling. "Of course you'd think of that one as romantic, silly. Mmm… I dunno. Banki mentioned cooking and stuff. It might be more family-oriented or something. A winter house-blessing rite?"

"Oh! You're right. Yeah. That'd. Make more sense." She paused for a moment to silently catch her breath, and also to think. "Maybe something, involving the Sun? It's around now, when it. Uh. The days start getting longer, again."

"Hmm… A rebirth of the Sun ritual? Ohhh, maybe it involves baking things at really hot temperatures? I've always wanted to do that."

"Well. We'll just have to go and ask, Sanae, right, honey?" The werewolf tried to give her best suave expression with that, but it did look just a bit exhausted.

"Wait, Kage, are you okay? Oh no, I'm so sorry, you carried me all the way up here, and… Oh my gosh I feel so dumb," blurted out Waka upon noticing her girlfriend's physical state, covering her face in embarrassment.

"Hey, hey, it's okay. If I was really tired we could have just flown to the top, right? I'm enjoying this." Wink. She winked. "So don't worry."

"...Okay. I won't. Not when you wink like that." She still kept her face covered, but from a different kind of embarrassment. 

"Wait, Hime, look! We're here! Aw hell that took so long." Kagerou moved to a stop with a light semi-hop.

"The Moriya Shrine! Ohhh, I've never been here! This is so exciting, what do you think they're like?!"

Kagerou couldn't respond, for she was interrupted by a very excited squeak from a certain green-haired shrine maiden.

"Oh! My gosh! Is that, are you a MERMAID?! There's MERMAIDS here?! And nobody told me! Is it true that — " Sanae shouted out excitedly, only to compose herself soon into a more business-appropriate persona. "Ah! I mean. Warmly welcome to the Moriya Shrine, do you seek anything specific? Ahem."

The osmerine-canine couple laughed in unison at the nerd's antics. "Yeah! We've been informed by a concerned third party that you might be able to shed some light upon the tradition known as 'Christmas'. Whatever that is!"

Sanae stared bewildered at them. "You mean, you're not here for the Moriya Shrine's gods? You mean, you're here to learn about  _ Christmas _ , from  _ me? _ You mean — "

"Yes! Yes we mean that!" spoke up Waka. "We're here to get the so-called 'tea' from you 'sis.'"

"Oh I'm gonna sell you carrots and turnips about this, girl! No, no, this is serious business. Come on." She motioned to the pair, and immediately started joyously skipping over to the shrine. "I'm gonna show you two all around this so hard, it's SO fun! And nobody's been interested in Christmas before! Where'd you hear about this?"

They took off after Sanae, shrugging to each other. This time, Kagerou responded. "Told you, concerned third party! Also known as Sekibanki."

"Oh yeah, she was here a while ago!" Sanae led them further towards the shrine. One thing could be noticed - the entire thing was illuminated by brilliant, colourful, tiny lights in lines around the edges of the building. It looked positively festive, even if they didn't know why. "Asked stuff about how to entertain her gee-eff, wondering about outsider customs and all. You should have seen her trying to conceal the glee, ehehe. So cute."

In unison, the two visitors both had one thought to this.  _ Oh I'm going to tease her so hard about that. _

"Now welcome to this humble winter abode, my merry wandering guests!" exclaimed Sanae, sliding the doors open. 

What appeared before them was really quite unexpected from a Shinto shrine. The inside was practically filled to the brim with various red-white-green decorations, including socks, little bearded old men in red pyjamas, reindeer, snowflakes, gingerbread men and even a few wrapped gift boxes. Further in, a large fir tree presented itself in war paint, with garlands of blue, red and purple wrapped around it tightly, and numerous little colourful balls hanging from it.

"Whoa." "Wow. What's all this stuff?!", came out voices of excitement from Kagerou and Wakasagihime. They gazed around at all the stuff, with sparkles in their eyes.

"It's the Christmas spirit! Christmas decor! There's Santa, and there's Rudolph, and there's the tree!" proclaimed Sanae, putting her hands on her hips.

"Heck's a Santa?" questioned Kagerou, moving over to the big Christmas tree. Some of the bobbles were really creative. There were a number of rainbow ones, coloured in a diamond pattern. They looked really kind of unique, and the wolf girl excitedly pointed them out to her wif- I mean girlfriend, still in her arms, who seemed just as excited. 

"He's an old man from the North Pole who goes around the whole world and gives gifts to eeeeveryone. Kind of a wacky-o! Lady Kanako says she's met him, and that he's really an inspiration to divine spirits around the world, or something." She grabbed one of the little Santas hung up on the wall, and threw it to Waka, who promptly analysed the old geezer and put him out of his misery by hanging him on the tree. "Also don't mind sitting down on the couch. And treat yourself to the gingerbread! I baked it myself!"

"Oooh gingerbread!" said Santa's judge and executioner, while being set down on the fluffy cushions. "I haven't had that in a while... This is so good!"

"So is Christmas just, decorations then?" asked Kagerou, also treating herself to some gingerbread. It was quite good. Soft but not mushy, and very cinnamony. With cute little faces made of icing and sprinkles. Some had green hair, some purple, some blonde - "OH THAT'S SO CUTE! It's you and the goddesses, right?!"

"Yeah! Yeah! I made them! They came out frickin'  _ poppin' _ , riiiight~? And!" Sanae also sat down, energetically enough to bounce back a little. "That's what Christmas is more about! Appreciating your fam- AHEM I mean, your close ones, and making things and stuff for them. We're also gonna have gifts under the tree! That's another tradition!"

"That sounds really nice. A holiday specifically for appreciating people around you," mused Waka, observing the tree closer. It seemed to also have the lights that they spotted outside wrapped around it, although turned off for now. And some of the baubles were really cute! Like this little bird one, with a tengu tokin on top of its head. She leaned back into Kagerou to rest on her, pointing to more and more of the decorations. Really, they were all so creative.

"It is really nice. And it's so fun to decorate the Christmas tree. We — " Sanae stopped in order to stuff her face with gingerbread. "We did that a few days ago, and it was so fun to do it together. Plus, it came out on fleek, if you know what I'm saying."

"Of course it was fun you little gremlin girl," interrupted Suwako hopping into the cozy shrine's living room. "Welcome welcome, esteemed guests! Leave your offerings outside in the box, please."

The two esteemed guests immediately froze in place, realising that they kind of just blundered into a shrine with no rancor. "Oh, we're so sorr — "

The froggy goddess laughed a shitty little gremlin laughter. "It's fine, it's fine! Messing with you. Friends of Sanae are quite welcome here." She paused. "You've just acquired a debt is all."

"Oh don't mind her, Lady Suwako just has a weird sense of humour." Sanae gave them a soft smile. "There's no interest on the debt or anything, you know?"

Our protagonists stared at the two Moriyas like they were about to get shot and die horribly. 

The shot came, just in the form of thunderous laughter. "Ohhh we got you good!" Suwako approached, and sat down on the armchair "I hear you want to know about Christmas!"

Kagerou, still startled, nodded twice quickly, and gave Waka a kiss on her head. For emotional support. Only that.

The Moriya goddess stared at them, as if about to unleash the deepest, darkest secrets of the 25th of December. "You think Sanae's stories are true? Do you really think that 'appreciating your loved ones' is the meaning of Christmas?"

The two nodded. They were sure, and this was a test.

"No you idiots, it's all about the tree." She pointed to said tree. "That thing? The whole fucking deal! All that matters! Now scram out of here before I actually make you get a debt. Kidding of course, you can stay a while more, but the last trolley down is leaving in five minutes and I can physically feel your exhaustion from walking up here."

Sanae jumped at this a bit. "Oh, shoot! Come on, it can't have been that long!" She then paused, and slapped her own face. "Ahh, but the trolleys are on a short schedule today! You two should go, lovely getting that tea from you."

Snapped out of this huge comedic bit that just went on, the gays stood up with a startle, and saluted themselves off. 

"Thank you so much for the gingerbread! And Santa! And the tea!" Wakasagihime waved multiple times to her new-found green-haired friend, as Kagerou lifted her up to rush to the potentially-running-away trolley.

"No problem at all! Please come back some day, we can have more fun! And don't listen to Lady Suwako, she's just being stupid!" 

The stupid frog stood up and hopped on over to Sanae to pinch her cheeks. Banter from the two, which really seemed quite mother-daughterly, came ringing for quite a while while the two Christmas-hunters were leaving. Oddly loud, the Moriya bunch.

* * *

Sitting by the shore of the Misty Lake and skipping stones, the two of them relaxed while thinking about where to go next. Because they did have to go somewhere next. I mean, trees and family? That can't be all that Christmas is about, right? And why was that old man going around giving out gifts? 

No, there was much more afoot. And both of them skipped stones in silence, thinking up their next step.

With a ding, a lightbulb appeared above the mermaid's head. "I know!" she proclaimed success, shooing the lightbulb away with her hand. "The big vampire mansion! We could go there, I bet they know that stuff. They look like they know all the holidays, right?!"

Kagerou stared at her for a moment, processing. Soon, she lit up. "Oh! Yeah! They absolutely would know that stuff! I bet they celebrate every holiday in the year, even."

"You're absolutely right sweetie. Off we go! To the vampire lady's mansion!"

"Let's go! ...You mind if I carry you on my back this time? My muscles are just a bit sore."

"Of COURSE not! It lets me kiss the back of your head, you know?"

"You're way too cute. Let's go." And so, the two took off, towards the mansion. 

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* Girls are now doing their best and walking to a mansion. *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

It didn't take long at all. Really, it was about one hundred meters from where they started. The mansion was… somehow even more overwhelming than usual. Covered in an amount of lights that outshone the afternoon sun, with every single tree on the path towards decorated from trunk to top branch, and a potent stench of clove-pierced tangerines emanating from the front door.

At the gate, Hong Meiling steadfastly kept guard. This time, however, she seemed to be dressed in some sort of Christmas-related outfit that reminded one of Santa's little helper with a jester-like hat.

The arriving pair braced themselves for a fight, but… Elf!Meiling just waved to them with a very bright award-winning smile. 

"Welcome to the Festive Devil Mansion! Please enjoy your stay, and feel free to walk right through the door! Just leave all weapons with me!" she said cheerfully, completely surprising the two.

"Uh." They stared between each other. "We can… just waltz right on in?"

"Yup! Waltz right on in! Ahem!" She bowed. "Welcome to this open and friendly abode, strangers. May your stay be safe, and may this be a refuge for you on this winter day."

"Wh… What?" Kagerou tilted her head in confusion. Waka tilted it the other way.

"Orders are to let everyone not literally looking to fight in. And to say that little phrase when they come by." Meiling shrugged, which made the little bells on her hat jingle. "I guess it's the festive spirit. I have no idea about that stuff myself." 

With nods of deep understanding as people who have had to follow orders from semi-monarchic authority at some point in their life exchanged between Wakasagihime and the mansion's gate guard, the two lovers continued onward through the courtyard.

The smell of tangerine and cloves got a bit weaker, and was soon filled with so many more scents - various meaty, savoury, borschty, sauerkraut and gingery smells. While being a wild mix… they were actually quite appetising. The head maid of this mansion was world-renowned for her cooking skills after all.

They prepared to open the large main door, but it opened by itself, two fairies on each side inviting them very professionally inside.

The inside was even more dazzling than the outside, thought both of the girlfriends stepping in with wondrous gazes. Everything was beautiful. Garlands. A HUGE Christmas tree. Tonnes of decorations and wonderfully smelling tangerines everywhere. With cloves. Don't forget.

But the prize was right at the end of the main corridor. An open door to the giant ballroom, with a visible dining table and… innumerable mouth-watering dishes.

"Ugh. Move away," came an immensely tired and sort of quick voice. "Every damn fucking year, she does this. I just want to eat the roast turkey with chestnuts and you people come in here like hungry animals rushing through because we just must have this festive spirit present, and — " 

She stopped, upon having her hair sort of aggressively ruffled by a certain devil girl. "Lady Patchouli? Calm down."

Grumble, grumble. "Fine. Fine." A deep sigh came from the library witch. "I'm sorry, I've just been forced out of my isolated lifestyle for today and it comes as a whiplash I must vent out. Sigh sigh. Welcome to the mansion, go on ahead, enjoy the food. I don't actually mind you being here."

The inseparable duo stared at her sort of nonplussed, from the amount of information just thrown at them.

"Good talk, good talk," replied Patchouli. She walked off together with Koakuma, who just gave our protagonists a sort of pitying smirk.

They continued on just behind them, and were soon met with the sight of the pristine Sakuya Izayoi. Well, slightly less pristine. She had a big knitted sweater on, with names of the mansion's main crew sort of awkwardly sewn into it. On top of it, her normal headband was replaced by a pair of reindeer antlers. Oddly enough, she looked genuinely thrilled by it.

"Welcome, esteemed strangers. I welcome you to the Festive Devil's Mansion, where you will be able to fill your stomachs to their fullest with dishes prepared only by the Mistress's finest choice of cooks." She blinked twice. "Me." She blinked again. "And after that, if you'd like, there may or may not be a surprise to be seen."

The esteemed strangers had a momentary fight-or-flight response, as they remembered this exact character in front of them beating them up on a certain incident night. Kagerou, to Waka's freezed delight, ended up choosing to fight. 

"Ah! Thank you, thank you! We're very glad to be welcomed here. We'd like to learn a lot about Christmas, if possible." It's lucky that her fighting instinct just drove up her charisma a bit.

"Oh yes quite. The Mistress is actually quite bent on educating every person that comes in about the precise meaning of Christmas. Do come in."

They did just that. And inside, the smell was really just so pleasantly overwhelming. All the dishes… There must have been two hundred, maybe.

The mistress of this mansion paced around the table. "Turkey… herring with cranberry… mushroom pastries… beef wellington… sauerkraut pierogi… fake foie gras — SAUERKRAUT PIEROGI?!" She suddenly exploded. "SAKUYA! SAKUYA WHAT IS SAUERKRAUT PIEROGI DOING HERE?! YOU PROMISED YOU WOULDN'T PUT IT NEAR ME THIS YEAR!"

Sakuya put on a concealed shit-eating smirk. "Mistress, you're mistaken. These are not sauerkraut pierogi. These are actually sauerkraut  _ dumplings.  _ The recipe is slightly different, making them not traditional pierogi."

They stared at each other. Then stared some more, with narrow eyes. 

"Alright. Fine," decided Remilia. "Just for today. Because it's Christmas and you should be nice to others during Christmas." Proud of herself for remembering that, she crossed her arms and closed her eyes, and went back to inspecting the foodstuffs, with closed eyes.

Of course, in that state, the only thing she managed to inspect was the fact that she immediately bumped into Waka's body, held by Kagerou. Upon opening her eyes, she noticed that the two were cautiously inspecting her. 

"Ah! Welcome, welcome! I see you've brought fresh mermaid meat, wolf lady! It's greatly appreciated," exclaimed the vampire, already gesturing to Sakuya to grab the mermaid and cut her up into a meal. 

Instead, Sakuya stifled a laugh as terrified expressions crossed the guests' faces. "W-Wait! Wait, no, I'm not food!" shouted out the scared Wakasagihime. 

"Yeah she's not food! Don't eat her!" shouted in turn Kagerou. Even if she did try eating her once. And maybe more times.

"Ah! I get it. My apologies, esteemed guests. She is to be stuffed and put on display then, right?" Remilia had not a single hint of sarcasm in her voice.

Sakuya could barely hold it in, while the 'esteemed guests' continued insisting that they're not to be killed. Soon enough, after frantically also claiming to be neither a new maid recruit, entertainers nor a pair of fancy living statues, they managed to get through to the mansion owner with a simple remark. 

"Please listen! We're here to learn about Christmas, and what happens during it, and what it means!"

Remilia froze. "Ah. Ah! Ah what a fortunate turn of fate! You've come to the perfectly right place! I, Remilia Scarlet, am here to teach you all about this splendid ritual of Christmas! Come, come with me! And grab yourself some food!" She didn't wait for them though. She went on right ahead, leading them, who still managed to grab plenty of some tasty stuff, into a large room on the side.

In the background, the entire rest of the scarlet crew shook their heads in tired disappointment. Even Flandre, who had just come in, managed only to shrug.

With a flourish, ignoring all criticism like a queen, Remilia slammed the door to this secret room open. And inside was something nobody could expect. A second Scarlet Devil Mansion.

"Except, why is this one brown, and so tasty smelling?" asked Waka.

"Hah! You see, it's a gingerbread house! A house made out of gingerbread! The biggest in the world, in fact. We've broken the Guiness world record!"

"What the heck is a — "

"Nevermind you! Please observe the carefully crafted gingerbread house! Of unknown scale, as Sakuya has those powers of hers that make it impossible to measure." 

Remilia started pacing around the little house, showing off all the tiny details. How the icing had to be made with a special kind of sugar that Patchouli devised, because gingerbread walls of this size wouldn't have stuck together otherwise. How the gingerbread was given carefully placed edible wiring inside, to give it structure. 

"But this, my ladies, is the pinnacle here," she said, opening a tiny door on the front of the building. Inside was… a cute little scene of the entire mansion's crew hanging out, eating dinner together, and laughing. "The joy of being together. Of bringing ourselves around each other, and making this into a space of festivity. That's the meaning of it all."

Remilia had quite a pleasant smile on her. So did pretty much everyone in the building. Maybe Christmas really did bring people together?

"Still. I'm going to have to ask you to get out of this room soon, as the house is unstable enough that breathing too much here might break it." Kind of a metaphor for the fragility of peace, I guess. Hopefully not, everyone thought.

"This is really nice, Lady Scarlet." Kagerou observed the festive scene in the house with warmth in her heart. "Thank you. I think we know something more about Christmas now."

"Of course you do! You've been told it from me myself after all. Now we have to really leave, though." 

And so they did. Kage and Waka spent a few more minutes in the main hall, mingling with the inhabitants, the tiny bit that strangers do mingle, and eating various foods. The turkey was the best, they decided. But time was running out in the day, and they still had more to learn, so leaving they began.

Just that they were stopped by Sakuya, still wearing that stupid sweater, right before the exit. 

"Please, don't put too much value on what Mistress said. Nor tell her I told you this. Really all that matters is that we made the gingerbread house, it's not a symbol of anything."

"Wait, are you saying that — "

"I'm not saying anything. Just take this Christmas stuff with a pinch of salt." She smiled at them, politely.

And so, with stomachs filled with delicious turkey, they were off. 

* * *

"Shit! Shit, do you really think this is a good idea?" whisper-shouted Wakasagihime at her girlfriend, hiding behind a tree.

"It's alright honey, look. The Hakurei shrine maiden is known to welcome youkai on occasion, right?" whispered back Kagerou.

"Yes, but maybe not us! And why did you bring me here anyways?! Cirno was so annoying to fight off on the way!"

"Look, this is the only place I could think of where we could still learn about Christmas! And we've got more to learn, right?" Kagerou was looking around the shrine, trying to spot Reimu.

"Sure, but what are we going to learn here! Look! You've been looking for that shrine maiden for 5 minutes, she's not here! We can learn about Christmas elsewhere..."

"No, no, she's here, I know. And, I just wanted to come here with you! Some rumours have been going around that say if you come here with your girlfriend, you'll have a long and happy life together!" proclaimed Kagerou, making Waka blush. I guess she can be fine with this, if it was for gay reasons. Still, the wolf kept looking around the shrine. "But really, where is she…?"

"Are you looking for Reimu?"

The two of them jumped at the sudden third voice. So much for being surreptitious. "Wah! We're sorry, we're not trying anything weird!" 

Aunn Komano, the local guardian dog, stared at them for a few moments. Then she brightened up. "Don't worry! I detect absolutely no traces of evil intent in you two. Follow me to the shrine if you'd like, she's not here."

They stared at her, shrugged, and proceeded to follow. When good fortune comes, throw caution out the window. "Wait, aren't you going to kick us out?" Or not, I guess, according to the mermaid princess. "I've heard you don't let anyone in when she's gone."

"Oh, no, no, don't worry about that. I've relaxed about it recently, thanks to someone…"

The shrine wasn't very far away from where they started, so by now they were already right there. Aunn looked around, searching for something or somebody. Then she paused, and closed her eyes.

"KANA! Come on out! There's two guests, thank you!" she shouted.

Suddenly, in front of them, some kind of being materialised in the air, like some poltergeists do. Wearing an outfit from a past era in Gensokyo's time, it was Kana Anaberal, the friendly local ghost.

"I'm out, I'm out! Aunn." She put her hand on Aunn's shoulder, and looked at her with a grave expression. "I've been out for two years. You already know I'm a lesbian."

Aunn stared back at her just as gravely. "Kana. This is the twenty seventh time you've made that joke."

"That's how many times you — "

"HELLO IT'S NICE TO MEET YOU KANA!" shouted out Waka. "How are you on this fine day?"

Kana stared at the fish. "Oh, fine. I'll stop with the joke for now, I get it. But yes hello good morning, it's nice to meet you. I am very quaint on this fine day!" She stared harder, with a faint smile. "I'm going to assume that you mentioned this being a fine day, because you're here to figure out Christmas?"

"Huh? Wh — Yeah? How did you — "

"I'm a Satori Komeiji kinnie." Kana's expression held still.

"What? Who is that?" Kagerou tilted her head in confusion.

"Oh, she's from Former Hell. I read her books. So what would you like to know about Christmas?"

Aunn stared at Kana in confusion, and furrowed her brow. Then she shook her head gayly, and walked into the shrine.

Waka decided to respond to Kana's question, waving her hand sort of de-escalatingly. "Oh, anything you know at all. Although we've already learned that it's about appreciating your loved ones, and creating festive spaces of togetherness. That, or it's just about the trees and gingerbread houses."

Kana looked back and forth between the two girlfriends, her smile increasing every time. "Trees and gingerbread houses? Who cares about that oh my god… No, no you two. Come with me, I'll show you what it's about." She motioned to them, leading them to the front of the shrine, where there was much more space.

"Hmm? But there's nothing here except the snow everywhere?" Kagerou looked around the square inquisitively.

"Oh, see, I have a little hatch hidden here. You find these things out living here 24/7." She leaned down, and seemed to grab something.

The next second, however, a white ball of cold goodness flew straight towards the werewolf's face, and with a surprise attack bonus, struck her right in the middle.

"Oh, you — !" 

…

Aunn was calmly preparing some hot choccy milk in the cooking area of the shrine. 

As she was stirring in the garlic powder into Kana's cup, and added two more spoons of sugar into her own, noises came in from the outside. Vaguely war-like noises.

She wondered what kind of hot choccy milk Waka and Kagerou would enjoy. She decided they're probably capable of enjoying the bad one. So she started making the bad one, from that 2014 Meatballs w/ Marinara Sauce ration that popped up recently.

There just weren't any explosions coming from the outside. But a bunch of laughter could be heard, unlike during a war. 

Aunn wondered from where she knew what war was. She stirred the choccies, making sure not to confuse whose is whose, and went back outside to hand them to the recipients.

Before the shrine, a sight of combat stood. Two walls of snow stood on either side of the snow-covered main road to the shrine's entrance. Dozens of snowballs littered the area around them, as a bunch more kept flying from left to right and right to left, between the two walls. 

And behind the walls, two teams.

"AUNN! Come on here, I need that morale! And some help! Team Gaylords is trying to overtake us!" shouted out Kana. Leave it to her to call the other team gaylords.

"YEAH?! Yeah we ARE gaylords, and what are you going to do about it!" shouted back Kagerou, in full war mode. "And for your information, Team Cool People is not a good name! And I'm going to DESTROY Y — "

"Sweetie your scarf came undone, wait."

"Oh, did it? Can you readjust it for me please, my hands are full of these snowballs."

"Aww, of course I can, come here." Encouraged, the scarf-undoer leaned down to let her girlfriend readjust it. 

Kana stared at them with a tired expression. "THIS IS WHY YOU'RE TEAM GAYLORDS! GET BALLED!"

"I'm trying to love my wife here, you cur!" shouted Waka over the scarf and the wall, throwing a ball herself. Kana deftly avoided it by turning intangible.

Aunn came down the stairs, and proceeded to the middle of the two snow bunkers. She stood there, holding four cups of hot chocolate milk in her four hands, staring at either side. The warring enemies' expressions slowly died down, and so did the komainu's smile get bigger.

"Alright you all, I made some chocolate, drinkable, ready-to-eat! It's warm, I think." Her other half handed the snow-covered couple their chocolate, while she herself went back to Kana with their own drinks, handing her the garlic-stinking cup before kissing her forehead.

"Ha!" Kagerou pointed at them, taking a break to sip some chocolate. "And you call US gaylords!"

"You were just assuming gaylord is a bad thing!" Kana also sipped her 'chocolate.' "Meanwhile I already knew it to be a good thing!"

"Aww, Kana, you shouldn't bully people! I'm going to be a bit mad at you!" Aunn pouted.

"I know you won't, but I'm still gonna say sorry. Just to appease you," replied Kana, gayly.

Kagerou and Waka watched those two teenagers be gay for a moment or two, reminiscing about their own youth. Then they immediately felt horribly old, realising they just reminisced about youth. And immediately after that, they felt young again, realising they're not actually that old at all, gay people just age faster.

"This chocolate tastes weird." Despite her words, the mermaid princess downed the entire rest of her drink in one go. "Yeah, this is pretty bad."

"Really? I dunno, I like something about it." The wolf frowned, despite her words. "Chocolate is still bad for me, but you know what?"

"Mhm?" Waka laid down on her back. This was a pretty fun place to have arrived at after Moriya and the SDM. Way more fun-conducive, at least with those two over on the other side around.

"This doesn't taste like chocolate at all!" she exclaimed, and also laid down, facing her Wife from the side.

"It really doesn't! But maybe it's just stale or something." She spread out her arms like an eagle. 

"I'll be fine either way, with you by my side, Hime." Wink.

The response to the wink was a giggle. "You are a gaylord! She was right!" Waka giggled to herself more as she moved her arms about. Then a realisation hit her. "Ah! Kage! Look at this!"

"Hmm?" Kagerou decided to stuff some snow into her chocolate while waiting for an answer. Maybe it'd be better as a weird frozen chocolate drink. Frappe.

"Look at this!" She moved her arms up and down, making a wide fan-shaped mark on the snow. "I'm making eagles! Hawks! Flying and striking!"

"What? What are you talking about?" Head tilt.

"Oh! Wait! Lift me up!" She put her hands out, gesturing excitedly.

"Lift you up!" Hup hup.

"Now look! Look!" She pointed at the ground, excitedly.

"Wah! Wah! That IS an eagle! A hawk! That's so cute! Let me tr — "

"STRIKE AND FLY, SNOWBALL!" 

A large ball of white flew straight at Kagerou, but Waka blocked it with her body. "Ah! Sweetie! I'm hit! Ah! The pain!"

"What?! No! You monsters!" The werewolf set her princess down against the snow wall, letting her still admire her snow eagle creation.

"Excuse me! I'm not a monster, I'm just a mentally unstable girl! Don't be rude! She's the monster here!" Kana shouted back, pointing at Aunn.

"I'm not a monster either! I'm just a komainu, a guardian dog! Just a little bit of a monster dog, not a monster blank!"

"Matters not, soldier! We're going to war with the lesbians!"

"Kana WE'RE the lesbians! Don't interrupt their gay little moment!"

Kana stopped herself from throwing the next snowball with that. "Oh. Sure, actually. I'm a bit tired anyways. Hey! You two! Let's parley!"

Moments later, the two parties sat down in the middle of the road, all cross-legged. Kagerou was still drinking her chocolate.

Kana leaned back and put her hands in her lap. "Talk to me. How are you feeling? Is Christmas bothering you?"

"What?" came the answer in unison.

"Alright, fine, I guess we're not doing the therapist bit." She gave up, and lied down on her back. Aunn took the cue.

"What she means is, do you get what Christmas is about yet?"

"Uhm, no?" 

Kana shouted in exasperation. "BUT I SHOWED YOU — " 

"Kana, bae, you show things weirdly. Look, you two, basically… uhm. What we just did was part of Christmas!"

"Wait, really?" questioned Waka. "The previous people we went to made it sound like it's kind of a more formal thing."

"Oh, it can be! But it's also about having gay time with your gay girlfriend! You know, appreciation for the entire time spent together, and playing, and having fun… You know! Love!"

Kana groaned. "Ohh be quiet. That's just every day with you, you mushy idiot." She then smacked Aunn's back with a pile of snow. "Just enjoy the snow. It's white Christmas or nothing. Just like Nerf."

"What the hell is a Nerf? And for that matter, what's a kinnie?" Waka was really not any less confused than before.

"Just go home! Enjoy the snow!" The weird ghost flew up into the air. "Or I'm gonna haunt you to death!"

* * *

Not wanting to be haunted to death, the two hurried back to Kagerou's little house in the bamboo forest. 

Now, see, the idea was — they were going to get there, they would decorate it super pretty in those lights like Sanae had, bake some gingerbread - make a small house out of it - and then build a snowman, as per Aunn's suggestion just as they were really leaving.

And for a moment or two, it looked like it might work. 

With smiles on their faces and warmth in their heart, they entered the small clearing where the house was present. They looked upon.

And they despaired.

For the house was a bit lonely looking, and the bamboo forest was littered in mush from the soup of decomposed plants and mud. By now, it was fairly late too, so it was too cold to really build a snowman.

Well, not that they would, with the sploosh sploosh below Kagerou's feet every step towards the door.

"That's one pretty bad gloop," noted Waka, dejected. "But either way, I think I've had enough snow for a day."

The house itself was nice, though. It was fairly cozy and warm. And more importantly, their own. Sucks that Nitori built it in such a suburban style, but you win some you lose some.

"Hey, guess what?" Kagerou asked, yoinking the door open.

Waka carefully avoided hitting the doorframe with her tail and head. "Hmm? What?" 

"I just carried you in my arms into my own house." Kagerou leaned down to kiss Waka's little forehead. How suave and romantic.

"Yeah? We're married now, then?" But the mermaid was not going to just let her have this all to herself. "Guess I have to sign you up for royal classes in management, humanities and the natural sciences."

The fresh prince of Bel-water stopped dead in her tracks. "W-Wait, will I really have to do that?"

"Yup. And you're going to love learning about the environmental demands of living at great depths in the lake."

"I know you're fucking with me, but god that's scary." Honestly, education. The academics of it all.

"It's okay, you'll have a good teacher." Wink.

"Of course Mrs Hime, you are a good teacher."

The two smiled at each other homosexually, and then just as homosexually blushed and slowly looked away.

"W-We should probably actually get Christmas prepared before being gay, huh?" Wakasagi the hime looked around for a distraction. "Oh! The oven! I should bake some gingerbread!"

"Oh! Yeah! Good idea, haha! I'll leave that to you." Kage the rue also pondered on how to distract herself momentarily. "I'll… go get a tree from somewhere. So we can make a Christmas tree! And maybe some decorations!"

"Oh yeah, good idea honey! Here let me just…" The mermaid floated away out of her girlfriend's arms, using her natural flying powers emanating from her tail, spreading her arms to the sides to maintain balance.

Kagerou stared at the t-posing, floating Waka. "I… uh… you could do that?"

"Sure I can. See you later honey, I'll have some warm gingerbread for you." Despite her calm tone of voice, she smirked. For she knew.

Kagerou moved away, startled and terrified for her life. The woman she thought she knew was actually even cooler than before. Thus, with a weird sort of grin on her face, she went off into the forest, waving to her now-wife-I-fucking-guess.

Hime waved back, and waited a moment before closing the door, staring longingly at the object of her heart's desires.

Then she turned around, and with purpose inspected the kitchen. Now, she's seen it a few times, but rarely used it. There was a small internally-powered oven from Nitori, like the rest of the house. A bunch of cupboards. Vaguely a fridge, though it wasn't powered. Waka really didn't want to question the black box on the back of it that seemed to cool off the entire thing. It rattled around sometimes.

Right. Gingerbread. Now, she had it a few times already, but living in the lake really… isn't conducive to learning how to bake much. She did know how to bake! But not much. And not gingerbread.

Now, normally, one could think that'd be a big worry and perhaps a red flag that it won't work out. But decisively not! For Wakasagihime was the heiress of a whole kingdom, and she could take any challenge like this on. 

She decided that gingerbread is made out of bread and ginger. 

Bread was pretty simple, at least. Flour, water, butter… eggs… sugar… Yeah, that's bread! She also decided to add some kind of brown dye, since none of the ingredients really seemed brown. She gathered all the ingredients - some kind of weird spicy powder was the only brown-coloured thing she found. 

As for ginger… uh… no, there was none. But this shit won't be gingerbread without ginger. So she looked in the alcohol cupboard, and… oh! German Gin! Gin-Ger! That works perfectly. A few splashes and it'd be perfect.

A few good mixings and some removal of flour from her tiny little scales later, and the dough was ready. She'd normally knead it, since it's bread, but something about it just didn't look like it needed kneading. So she decided it'd be fine without kneading, since she was no cat.

She decided… she'd shape them into tiny small little fishes and wolf-heads. Surprising her girlfriend with a gay thing like that really sounded nice.

The oven had a weird bunch of symbols on it. The one with a small scribble of bread on it had to suffice, probably. Half an hour? Sounds good.

…

What else did Kagerou have here?

...Fish food.

We're going to ignore that.

Oh! A big pack of ham!

She decided to heat the ham up in the oven, to make a sort of makeshift pseudo-turkey.

…

What was  _ taking _ her so long?

Speak of the wolf, though. The moment she thought that, loud THUD THUD THUD could be heard outside, together with vague shuffling of leaves and possibly other things.

"HIME! HIME HELP ME OUT HERE!" came in screams of terror and excitement from the outside.

"Oh god, what is happening out there?! SWEETIE!" Waka rushed out there in gay fear.

The sight before her was a gigantic pile of colourful rocks. And Kagerou, awkwardly shuffling it forward, somehow. And then… a gigantic bamboo. 

"Behold, Hime! Behold! I have brought Christmas!" she proclaimed, spreading her arms wide in glory.

"Kage, what the fuck is this?"

"Christmas!"

"That's not Christmas!"

"No, look! It's a Christmas tree!" she said, gesturing to the bamboo. "And baubles! The pretty little balls from the tree!"

Stare.

Stare back.

"...You know what?" decided Waka. "Sure. Sounds fun!"

And so, with dumb grins on their faces, they got to shuffling the giant bamboo inside the house. Now, thing is, it was way taller than the house. But fear not, that won't stop the Grassroots Youkai Network! At least the two of them. 

Very soon, the bamboo stood proudly in the middle of the living room. 

"It's not really standing, is it?" Kagerou questioned the narrator. As if I could be fallible. Anyways. "It's just on its side. Looks more like… I don't know what it looks like."

Wakasagihime also gazed upon the bamboo, sitting calmly on its side, leaves rustling gently. "Hmm… no, I like it. It's a bit artistic, right?"

"Artistic?"

Silence, as the mermaid pondered the meaning of art.

"Hime?"

"No, nevermind, I don't like it. This really doesn't capture the Christmas spirit."

Kagerou gave that a shocked expression. "The Christmas spirit?! You mean you understood it?! Where is it!"

"No, no… it's just a vibe. A feeling." She looked over it, twice and thrice. "Mmm… Maybe it'll work, I don't know."

"Well, either way," stated Kagerou with purpose. "I'll bring the shiny stuff."

Hmmm, thought Waka. Hmm… She was forgetting something.

"Hime, look!" Shuffling of bells and other vaguely jingly things followed the exclamation. 

"Ah, yeah?"

"I even have pretty shells from the lake's shore!" said the wolf excitedly, pointing out a bunch of pretty little red, blue, white and black shells.

"Oh my god they're so cute. How did you find these so quickly?"

"I simply dealt with it. Hey we NEED to get this stuff on the tree. You wanna start with the shells?" Nods of excited agreement were exchanged between them. 

And so, they started decorating. Slowly, tiny shells, shiny stones, flowers, and other jingly janglies found around started littering the sideways bamboo, hung up on bits of string and magic. Maybe some saliva.

Surprisingly, it gave them a kind of Christmas spirit feeling. A slightly gay one. Being together like this, in their own house, celebrating their own holiday, and together working to build something… was fun. And at least a bit romantic.

From time to time, their hands brushed against each other when reaching for a new bauble, and they blushed like pure little maidens. Gaylords.

But then it stood before them, a finished Christmas tree. A very vaguely ugly sideways bamboo with some stones and shells on it.

"Looks beautiful, right?" observed Waka. "It really feels… ours."

"Hmm? Yeah. Yeah it does." Kagerou gazed in wonder at not the tree, but instead her girlfriend. "Hey, Hime?"

"Mhm?"

"I lov— wait what's that smell?"

Huh? Huh?? "Huh?"

"No, it- oh god, Hime, there's smoke coming out of the oven."

"HUH? WAIT." She WAS forgetting something! "THE OVEN! OH GOD."

The two of them rushed over to the homophobic oven, turned it off asap, and opened the door.

A giant cloud of smoke flew out of the oven, covering their faces in heat and dust and steam.

"AH! Ah- cough- oh, oh god." Waka looked upon in despair, as much as she could look.

"Oh- hack- cough- oh… Was that the gingerbread?"

"No that was the ham! The gingerbread is long out already, it's just cooling off!" Wait. What? Oh thank god. The gingerbread is fine.

"The ham?"

"Oh, the one you had in your fridge there? I thought we'd… well, now we can't. I just… I thought we could eat it. Have ourselves a dinner. Some meat, you know. Not all veggies like last time..."

"Well…" Kagerou looked at the 'ham' closer. "We're not eating that, but… Hime… That wasn't ham?"

"Oh? What was it then?"

"Oh, you know."

"Oh." Oh. "I know. Okay, moving on then, uhm…"

"Moving on to what? Do we really need dinner?" The wolf looked hungrily like a wolf to the side, at the gingerbread. "Those look tasty by themselves, you know?"

"Yeah, sure, but without Christmas dinner this isn't Christmas! And we were supposed to be having Christmas!"

"Aww, but we are having Christmas!"

"No, we're not… look at the tree! It looks so dumb from here."

"Hime, Hime…" Kagerou ruffled her hair. "Don't be a dummy, we're having a good Christmas. Spending time with loved ones, being gay, and being around each other."

Wordlessly, Waka nuzzled herself into the wolf girlfriend. 

"Aww- hey. It's okay. I love you," proclaimed the object of nuzzling into.

To this, the mermaid started giggling. "You fell for it. Yeah, I love you too, and I wasn't really worried."

"Wow, you sly rogue. But I'll gladly fall for it anytime."

"I know you will, that's why I do it."

They stood like that, in each other's arms, for a moment or two more. 

"Oh, wait, yeah. Dinner though," remembered Kagerou, using her good memory. "Should we get some Kutaka Fried Cauliflower?"

"What, really? You'd go for that? Despite it being all vegan?"

"Confession."

"Yeah?"

The wolf looked around for suspicious ears. "I actually kinda love the KFC stuff." 

"I KNEW you do. I knew you'd turn around on veggies."

"Speaking of turning around…" Turning around, she picked up some gingerbread, sufficiently cooled off by now. "Let's see…"

Waka looked on expectantly. "And…?"

"...This sucks. I love it."

And so, with some horrible-but-lovely gingerbread, and a Christmas bamboo, they fell asleep on the couch, cuddling each other, with boxes of KFC strewn about.

* * *

Once again, the Grassroots Youkai Network was meeting up. Sekibanki sat on her perfect little tree stump shaped like a chair, Kagerou and Wakasagihime sat in theirs, and the wind howled and the snow hailed. 

For the past ten minutes though, they weren't talking. Because the meeting was technically over, but they still wanted to talk about Christmas. So they stayed.

Problem is, they were just a bit too awkward to do that, remembering their experiences with it. Adventures and very romantic dates are hard to just talk about, you know?

Still, they sat around, waiting for it to become awkward enough that talking about it is less awkward. Clowns.

"Ahem!" finally spoke up Banki, channeling her inner fight reflex. "So, did you two figure out Christmas?"

"Wah!" Startled by the end of the silence, Kagerou fell over backwards into the snow, together with her mermaid princess. "Ah! Oh, Hime, are you okay? Sorry about that."

Waka responded with joyous laughter. "Hehe- ah- ahahaha! It's fine, it's fine, you goof!" She turned around slightly, to get a look at her pretty wolf girlfriend. "Reminds me of the snow eagle I made."

"Angel! Angel, Hime. Because you're my — "

"AHEM! Valid, and all, but I asked something!" interrupted Banki with a smirk.

Kagerou got startled again, but this time couldn't fall over, since she's fallen, and can't get up. "Oh! Uhh…"

Waka moved up into a sitting position with glee, causing Kage below her to groan in pain. "It went so well! We had so much lovely fun!"

"Wow, you did? I'm glad. Maybe you'll be less obviously date-starved now."

"Wha- What do you mean date-starved!"

Sekibanki scoffed. "What, is it not obvious? You two have been  _ starving.  _ Needed your special gaytime, is all."

"Well, we did get some special gaytime! Christmas is really fun. I think we managed to channel that Christmas spirit well, right, Kagerou?" Waka turned around to gently touch her girlfriend's cheek. 

"Mhmm!" Nodded in excitement the girlfriend.

"Wait, what the fuck are you two talking about?" Banki narrowed her eyes.

"Oh, uhm, the Christmas spirit? You know, the thing you wanted us to figure out so importantly."

Sigh, sigh. She sighed. "No you gay idiots, I just needed you focused on that so you wouldn't bother me for the day, and I knew that you wouldn't necessarily just by asking you."

"Oh my god… seriously?! Then what was all that about us going to all those places!"

"I don't fucking know, don't look at me. You two did that. Make of it whatever you will. I'm personally in it for the… uhm…" She cut herself off, blushing furiously.

Huh? Huh, huh? Banki blushed? The couple immediately got up, and surrounded their friend.

"You're blushing! What happened on Christmas?!" "Tell us, tell us, tell us!"

"Oh, you know… just…" She turned away, and mumbled the rest of the sentence out. "She kissed me."

The wolf and fish's eyes both widened in surprise. "WHAT?! YOUR FIRST?!"

"Y-Yeah. I guess Christmas turned out to be pretty neat, maybe," whispered Banki, embarrassed.

Kagerou laughed heartily. "It is! It turns out it is."

Needing to stop being flustered, Banki switched back to serious mode. "L-Look it's just! It's neat to have a set date every year, with a bunch of pre-proposed ideas for what to do called traditions. I think."

"Wow."

"Whoa."

"What? What do you want?"

"That was actually quite smart!" exclaimed in unison the fish and the wolf.

"As if I'm not! Gods, why do I hang out with you two…"

They all stared at each other for a few moments, then all grinned like dumbasses. The Network will always stay like this, and it's great.

"Hey, Banki, is there more stuff like this?" asked Waka, dreamily. "Like, fun events that let you go around and have an adventure with your girlfriend?"

Banki looked to the sky. "Uhh… Valentine's Day? I mean, you've probably heard of that one, right?" Two confused blinks from the mermaid told her that these two were apparently clueless about modern culture, and needed to really be educated. "Then, Yule? ...Lupercalia? Or whatever Orleans is celebrating so hardcore every 1st of May? Those sound fun to celebrate together." Snort. "Especially Lupercalia."

"What the heck are all those?" Kagerou shivered, for some reason, at the mention of that last holiday.

The dullahan smirked. Finally, she could show off her knowledge. "Wouldn't you like to know, weather girl. But, let me think... "

And so, the rest of the meeting was spent explaining winter-season religious traditions, and also Labour Day for some reason. And they'd celebrate all of them, all the while being disastrous lesbians.

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Holidays


End file.
